The worst day ever! My sweet Gracie is gone!
Throughout this second bout with cancer I've wanted to keep blogging. It was my every intention to do so.
I thought I could. I started writing entries so many times, but could never make myself finish. So I'll do my best to sum up what I can. Gracie was a miracle in my life. Pure love and joy and a miracle to me. She comforted me, she made me laugh, she made me crazy (if you know the schnauzer bark you know what I mean), she made me smile, she consoled me, she loved me unconditionally. The Goo also had this uncanny ability to reach out and connect with others.
This round of treatment had been so much harder. The drug protocol Gracie had the first time was not an option for the second time so we had to go with a new combination. It was much harder on her than the first time through. Gracie had issues with eating and getting sick. She actually had some issues with regurgitation that triggered aspiration pneumonia. There were hospital stays and rough days, but all the way through Gracie was consistently lovable, giving and engaging. We did everything possible to fight the cancer. We included acupuncture (she would always fall asleep during it - the acupuncture relaxed her), Chinese medicine and specialized nutrition. I made her custom meals and when she developed a food aversion to one recipe we switched to another recipe. All the while Gracie extended her paw for people to rub and nudged for loving every chance she got. The folks at GVS were so good to her. Dr. Sabrina Vobornik said she would sit in the cage with Gracie (during an emergency stay) to write her notes or that Gracie would stick out her paw to get a rub when she walked by. Sometimes we gave Gracie fluids at home to make sure she stayed hydrated. She was so good for it, The Goo would just lay down and let me put the needle in. She never fussed, instead she would offer up her little foot to be rubbed and give a few Gracie kisses.
Not everyone there knew my name, but they knew Gracie....I was known to most simply as Gracie's mom. I'm good with that. She fought so hard, but in the end the cancer broke through. The day we found out the drugs weren't working anymore was when one of her doctors came in the room and started crying. She didn't have to say anything. I knew. I remember the ground dropping out from under me and not knowing how to find my next breath. There were new growths, tumors, that showed up on Gracie's chest x-rays that weren't on her x-rays from 24 hours earlier. Still all Gracie wanted to do was to be held and go home. So that's exactly what we did.
On the way out we drove through Hardees, we got Goo a hamburger, she gobbled it all up. She was happy and I left the window open so she could feel the breeze on her face as we drove home. It was one of her favorite things.
We went the next day for a second opinion from her oncologist Dr. Hamilton. We hoped there would be some miracle cure or option that we could still try, but there wasn't. That simple....there was nothing left to try, it was only about making sure Gracie, my little girl who had given me so much, was comfortable and didn't suffer. Dr. Hamilton said just take he home and spend a couple days with her, that it would be very fast and that she would let me know when it was time. He told me what an incredible fighter Gracie was, how she was a miracle for as long as she had fought it off. Gracie was always a miracle in my life, but I was glad to hear someone else knew she was a miracle too. (There was the tiniest of tiny possibilities that Dr. Hamilton could try to create another protocol to try if Gracie made it 14 days, the time required from her last treatment b/c trying any other treatment sooner would just kill her anyway. But with the aggressive nature of the cancer, Dr. Hamilton thought we would only have a couple of days.) Gracie, ever the odds beater, fought beautifully for 12 days before her little body could just not take it any longer. Those 12 days though were her best in weeks. We did a drive thru everyday for a hamburger, if it made her happy she got it. She had some pep in her step and got a bit of her spunk back, although she tired very quickly. She was so snuggly and so loving. I hope she wasn't scared, but I know she knows I was there for her.
The last night Gracie wanted more to eat at 11p. I thought it was a good sign. I was like "whatever you want Goo" and she got whatever she wanted. It was the very least I could do. After her late night snack Gracie sat and barked at the bottom of the stairs. She wanted to go upstairs to sleep in the bed...or rather on the pillows on the bed. She just wanted to snuggle up and be close and I was so happy to have her snuggle up with me. I never would have guessed it was going to be my last night with her.
On Saturday, July 24th, 2010 my sweet Gracie's life here on earth came to an end. I woke up that morning with Gracie close by my side. We had a little scare just after 6 am. I thought Gracie was having a seizure, she had never had one before, but as it turned out it wasn't. Gracie's vet, Dr. Miller, said that it was actually something that can happen when a dog coughs so hard it can trigger something that looks like a seizure. Oh it made me so sickly worried, I never wanted to do anything to allow my sweet Gracie to suffer. We talked to Dr. Miller and he suggested something to help Gracie's cough. Gracie and I drove to the local pharmacy to get it. We weren't planning on stopping by Village Vets, but we were passing right by so we stopped in to have Dr. Miller to see if there was anything else I could do to make Gracie comfortable or if I needed to do coupage to help with her cough. We were greeted by Robert, he always called Gracie "Miss Gracie", and he took Gracie back to have Dr. Miller see her, then he called me into the room. I knew that couldn't be good. Dr. Miller said there was hardly any air moving in and out of Gracie's lungs and that it was time to make the decision I never wanted to make for Gracie's sake, so she wouldn't suffer.
I wanted Gracie home. I needed her to be with Charlie too. I needed it to be different, but it wasn't. I didn't want her to suffer. Dr. Miller came to the house, he was so amazingly kind. Erin was there to say goodbye and to try and help Charlie understand. I just held and held Gracie, I didn't want her to hurt, I didn't want her to be scared or to upset her and I didn't want to let her go. I held her as she took her last breath and I'll never forget how deep that pain ran. This little girl has given me so much, I just didn't want to let her go. My little girl was gone, my sweet, sweet Goo was gone and no money in the world no wishes or miracles could bring her back.
I'll always be grateful for what Gracie brought to my life. The Goo was my soul doggy. I am so blessed to have had her in my life and I know she's with me still, just not in the fur-doggy form I can hold on to and snuggle with, but she's around. I owe so many thanks to Gracie for all that she brought to my life and taught me. I think she really brought out the best and kindest in so many people, she was a magnet for good. In our last couple of weeks together we had several people do some incredibly kind things for us. Photographer Anne Almasy, who met Gracie while shooting for a friend and client, came and took some photos of Gracie, me and Charlie in the house. Then dear friend and professional photographer Terry Greene invited me to bring Gracie to a photo shoot she was doing to get a couple of photos of the two of us together. Erin framed up a couple of the photos and gave it to me as a gift. I see it hanging on my wall as I'm writing this and it reminds me of so many wonderful things - how much I loved my Gracie (still do), how much she brought to my life, how The Goo managed to reach others and how kind people can be.
ctsy Anne Almasy ctsy Terry Greene
Please share this story. We shared this journey, not because it was easy, but because it was hard and Gracie was worth every second of the fight. She chose. She chose to love me, she chose to fight and she chose when she was ready to go. Please join our fight to find a cure for canine cancer and help those going through the fight right now. Gracie was never just a dog to me, she was family...and will always be family.
*In the months to follow since losing Gracie I met a wonderful glass artist. She did the most amazing piece with Gracie's ashes blown in. We picked the colors, Gracie's colors, then she created a custom glass piece that I can carry and hold. Gracie's ashes make little white and silver bubbles and when I hold it to the light it sparkles. We've now launched a new business www.PetRemembranceGlass.com to help others and build a living legacy in Gracie's honor. The mission is to not only help people create their own custom pieces to help comfort them, but to have the business fund a non-profit to help people that can't afford to pay for cancer care for their pets get treatment. We were lucky we had a way to pay for Gracie's fight and it got us more than a year and a half that we would not have had. That time to me is priceless. I still miss my Gracie everyday, now she's my doggy angel.
I thought I could. I started writing entries so many times, but could never make myself finish. So I'll do my best to sum up what I can. Gracie was a miracle in my life. Pure love and joy and a miracle to me. She comforted me, she made me laugh, she made me crazy (if you know the schnauzer bark you know what I mean), she made me smile, she consoled me, she loved me unconditionally. The Goo also had this uncanny ability to reach out and connect with others.
This round of treatment had been so much harder. The drug protocol Gracie had the first time was not an option for the second time so we had to go with a new combination. It was much harder on her than the first time through. Gracie had issues with eating and getting sick. She actually had some issues with regurgitation that triggered aspiration pneumonia. There were hospital stays and rough days, but all the way through Gracie was consistently lovable, giving and engaging. We did everything possible to fight the cancer. We included acupuncture (she would always fall asleep during it - the acupuncture relaxed her), Chinese medicine and specialized nutrition. I made her custom meals and when she developed a food aversion to one recipe we switched to another recipe. All the while Gracie extended her paw for people to rub and nudged for loving every chance she got. The folks at GVS were so good to her. Dr. Sabrina Vobornik said she would sit in the cage with Gracie (during an emergency stay) to write her notes or that Gracie would stick out her paw to get a rub when she walked by. Sometimes we gave Gracie fluids at home to make sure she stayed hydrated. She was so good for it, The Goo would just lay down and let me put the needle in. She never fussed, instead she would offer up her little foot to be rubbed and give a few Gracie kisses.
Not everyone there knew my name, but they knew Gracie....I was known to most simply as Gracie's mom. I'm good with that. She fought so hard, but in the end the cancer broke through. The day we found out the drugs weren't working anymore was when one of her doctors came in the room and started crying. She didn't have to say anything. I knew. I remember the ground dropping out from under me and not knowing how to find my next breath. There were new growths, tumors, that showed up on Gracie's chest x-rays that weren't on her x-rays from 24 hours earlier. Still all Gracie wanted to do was to be held and go home. So that's exactly what we did.
On the way out we drove through Hardees, we got Goo a hamburger, she gobbled it all up. She was happy and I left the window open so she could feel the breeze on her face as we drove home. It was one of her favorite things.
We went the next day for a second opinion from her oncologist Dr. Hamilton. We hoped there would be some miracle cure or option that we could still try, but there wasn't. That simple....there was nothing left to try, it was only about making sure Gracie, my little girl who had given me so much, was comfortable and didn't suffer. Dr. Hamilton said just take he home and spend a couple days with her, that it would be very fast and that she would let me know when it was time. He told me what an incredible fighter Gracie was, how she was a miracle for as long as she had fought it off. Gracie was always a miracle in my life, but I was glad to hear someone else knew she was a miracle too. (There was the tiniest of tiny possibilities that Dr. Hamilton could try to create another protocol to try if Gracie made it 14 days, the time required from her last treatment b/c trying any other treatment sooner would just kill her anyway. But with the aggressive nature of the cancer, Dr. Hamilton thought we would only have a couple of days.) Gracie, ever the odds beater, fought beautifully for 12 days before her little body could just not take it any longer. Those 12 days though were her best in weeks. We did a drive thru everyday for a hamburger, if it made her happy she got it. She had some pep in her step and got a bit of her spunk back, although she tired very quickly. She was so snuggly and so loving. I hope she wasn't scared, but I know she knows I was there for her.
The last night Gracie wanted more to eat at 11p. I thought it was a good sign. I was like "whatever you want Goo" and she got whatever she wanted. It was the very least I could do. After her late night snack Gracie sat and barked at the bottom of the stairs. She wanted to go upstairs to sleep in the bed...or rather on the pillows on the bed. She just wanted to snuggle up and be close and I was so happy to have her snuggle up with me. I never would have guessed it was going to be my last night with her.
On Saturday, July 24th, 2010 my sweet Gracie's life here on earth came to an end. I woke up that morning with Gracie close by my side. We had a little scare just after 6 am. I thought Gracie was having a seizure, she had never had one before, but as it turned out it wasn't. Gracie's vet, Dr. Miller, said that it was actually something that can happen when a dog coughs so hard it can trigger something that looks like a seizure. Oh it made me so sickly worried, I never wanted to do anything to allow my sweet Gracie to suffer. We talked to Dr. Miller and he suggested something to help Gracie's cough. Gracie and I drove to the local pharmacy to get it. We weren't planning on stopping by Village Vets, but we were passing right by so we stopped in to have Dr. Miller to see if there was anything else I could do to make Gracie comfortable or if I needed to do coupage to help with her cough. We were greeted by Robert, he always called Gracie "Miss Gracie", and he took Gracie back to have Dr. Miller see her, then he called me into the room. I knew that couldn't be good. Dr. Miller said there was hardly any air moving in and out of Gracie's lungs and that it was time to make the decision I never wanted to make for Gracie's sake, so she wouldn't suffer.
I wanted Gracie home. I needed her to be with Charlie too. I needed it to be different, but it wasn't. I didn't want her to suffer. Dr. Miller came to the house, he was so amazingly kind. Erin was there to say goodbye and to try and help Charlie understand. I just held and held Gracie, I didn't want her to hurt, I didn't want her to be scared or to upset her and I didn't want to let her go. I held her as she took her last breath and I'll never forget how deep that pain ran. This little girl has given me so much, I just didn't want to let her go. My little girl was gone, my sweet, sweet Goo was gone and no money in the world no wishes or miracles could bring her back.
I'll always be grateful for what Gracie brought to my life. The Goo was my soul doggy. I am so blessed to have had her in my life and I know she's with me still, just not in the fur-doggy form I can hold on to and snuggle with, but she's around. I owe so many thanks to Gracie for all that she brought to my life and taught me. I think she really brought out the best and kindest in so many people, she was a magnet for good. In our last couple of weeks together we had several people do some incredibly kind things for us. Photographer Anne Almasy, who met Gracie while shooting for a friend and client, came and took some photos of Gracie, me and Charlie in the house. Then dear friend and professional photographer Terry Greene invited me to bring Gracie to a photo shoot she was doing to get a couple of photos of the two of us together. Erin framed up a couple of the photos and gave it to me as a gift. I see it hanging on my wall as I'm writing this and it reminds me of so many wonderful things - how much I loved my Gracie (still do), how much she brought to my life, how The Goo managed to reach others and how kind people can be.
ctsy Anne Almasy ctsy Terry Greene
Please share this story. We shared this journey, not because it was easy, but because it was hard and Gracie was worth every second of the fight. She chose. She chose to love me, she chose to fight and she chose when she was ready to go. Please join our fight to find a cure for canine cancer and help those going through the fight right now. Gracie was never just a dog to me, she was family...and will always be family.
*In the months to follow since losing Gracie I met a wonderful glass artist. She did the most amazing piece with Gracie's ashes blown in. We picked the colors, Gracie's colors, then she created a custom glass piece that I can carry and hold. Gracie's ashes make little white and silver bubbles and when I hold it to the light it sparkles. We've now launched a new business www.PetRemembranceGlass.com to help others and build a living legacy in Gracie's honor. The mission is to not only help people create their own custom pieces to help comfort them, but to have the business fund a non-profit to help people that can't afford to pay for cancer care for their pets get treatment. We were lucky we had a way to pay for Gracie's fight and it got us more than a year and a half that we would not have had. That time to me is priceless. I still miss my Gracie everyday, now she's my doggy angel.
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