Blog.GraciesCancerStory.com

The worst day ever! My sweet Gracie is gone!

2011-01-18T21:56:00Z

Throughout this second bout with cancer I've wanted to keep blogging. It was my every intention to do so.
I thought I could. I started writing entries so many times, but could never make myself finish. So I'll do my best to sum up what I can. Gracie was a miracle in my life. Pure love and joy and a miracle to me. She comforted me, she made me laugh, she made me crazy (if you know the schnauzer bark you know what I mean), she made me smile, she consoled me, she loved me unconditionally. The Goo also had this uncanny ability to reach out and connect with others.

This round of treatment had been so much harder. The drug protocol Gracie had the first time was not an option for the second time so we had to go with a new combination. It was much harder on her than the first time through. Gracie had issues with eating and getting sick. She actually had some issues with regurgitation that triggered aspiration pneumonia. There were hospital stays and rough days, but all the way through Gracie was consistently lovable, giving and engaging. We did everything possible to fight the cancer. We included acupuncture (she would always fall asleep during it - the acupuncture relaxed her), Chinese medicine and specialized nutrition. I made her custom meals and when she developed a food aversion to one recipe we switched to another recipe. All the while Gracie extended her paw for people to rub and nudged for loving every chance she got. The folks at GVS were so good to her. Dr. Sabrina Vobornik said she would sit in the cage with Gracie (during an emergency stay) to write her notes or that Gracie would stick out her paw to get a rub when she walked by. Sometimes we gave Gracie fluids at home to make sure she stayed hydrated. She was so good for it, The Goo would just lay down and let me put the needle in. She never fussed, instead she would offer up her little foot to be rubbed and give a few Gracie kisses.

Not everyone there knew my name, but they knew Gracie....I was known to most simply as Gracie's mom. I'm good with that. She fought so hard, but in the end the cancer broke through. The day we found out the drugs weren't working anymore was when one of her doctors came in the room and started crying. She didn't have to say anything. I knew. I remember the ground dropping out from under me and not knowing how to find my next breath. There were new growths, tumors, that showed up on Gracie's chest x-rays that weren't on her x-rays from 24 hours earlier. Still all Gracie wanted to do was to be held and go home. So that's exactly what we did.

On the way out we drove through Hardees, we got Goo a hamburger, she gobbled it all up. She was happy and I left the window open so she could feel the breeze on her face as we drove home. It was one of her favorite things.


We went the next day for a second opinion from her oncologist Dr. Hamilton. We hoped there would be some miracle cure or option that we could still try, but there wasn't. That simple....there was nothing left to try, it was only about making sure Gracie, my little girl who had given me so much, was comfortable and didn't suffer. Dr. Hamilton said just take he home and spend a couple days with her, that it would be very fast and that she would let me know when it was time. He told me what an incredible fighter Gracie was, how she was a miracle for as long as she had fought it off. Gracie was always a miracle in my life, but I was glad to hear someone else knew she was a miracle too. (There was the tiniest of tiny possibilities that Dr. Hamilton could try to create another protocol to try if Gracie made it 14 days, the time required from her last treatment b/c trying any other treatment sooner would just kill her anyway. But with the aggressive nature of the cancer, Dr. Hamilton thought we would only have a couple of days.) Gracie, ever the odds beater, fought beautifully for 12 days before her little body could just not take it any longer. Those 12 days though were her best in weeks. We did a drive thru everyday for a hamburger, if it made her happy she got it. She had some pep in her step and got a bit of her spunk back, although she tired very quickly. She was so snuggly and so loving. I hope she wasn't scared, but I know she knows I was there for her.

The last night Gracie wanted more to eat at 11p. I thought it was a good sign. I was like "whatever you want Goo" and she got whatever she wanted. It was the very least I could do. After her late night snack Gracie sat and barked at the bottom of the stairs. She wanted to go upstairs to sleep in the bed...or rather on the pillows on the bed. She just wanted to snuggle up and be close and I was so happy to have her snuggle up with me. I never would have guessed it was going to be my last night with her.

On Saturday, July 24th, 2010 my sweet Gracie's life here on earth came to an end. I woke up that morning with Gracie close by my side. We had a little scare just after 6 am. I thought Gracie was having a seizure, she had never had one before, but as it turned out it wasn't. Gracie's vet, Dr. Miller, said that it was actually something that can happen when a dog coughs so hard it can trigger something that looks like a seizure. Oh it made me so sickly worried, I never wanted to do anything to allow my sweet Gracie to suffer. We talked to Dr. Miller and he suggested something to help Gracie's cough. Gracie and I drove to the local pharmacy to get it. We weren't planning on stopping by Village Vets, but we were passing right by so we stopped in to have Dr. Miller to see if there was anything else I could do to make Gracie comfortable or if I needed to do coupage to help with her cough. We were greeted by Robert, he always called Gracie "Miss Gracie", and he took Gracie back to have Dr. Miller see her, then he called me into the room. I knew that couldn't be good. Dr. Miller said there was hardly any air moving in and out of Gracie's lungs and that it was time to make the decision I never wanted to make for Gracie's sake, so she wouldn't suffer.

I wanted Gracie home. I needed her to be with Charlie too. I needed it to be different, but it wasn't. I didn't want her to suffer. Dr. Miller came to the house, he was so amazingly kind. Erin was there to say goodbye and to try and help Charlie understand. I just held and held Gracie, I didn't want her to hurt, I didn't want her to be scared or to upset her and I didn't want to let her go. I held her as she took her last breath and I'll never forget how deep that pain ran. This little girl has given me so much, I just didn't want to let her go. My little girl was gone, my sweet, sweet Goo was gone and no money in the world no wishes or miracles could bring her back.



I'll always be grateful for what Gracie brought to my life. The Goo was my soul doggy. I am so blessed to have had her in my life and I know she's with me still, just not in the fur-doggy form I can hold on to and snuggle with, but she's around. I owe so many thanks to Gracie for all that she brought to my life and taught me. I think she really brought out the best and kindest in so many people, she was a magnet for good. In our last couple of weeks together we had several people do some incredibly kind things for us. Photographer Anne Almasy, who met Gracie while shooting for a friend and client, came and took some photos of Gracie, me and Charlie in the house. Then dear friend and professional photographer Terry Greene invited me to bring Gracie to a photo shoot she was doing to get a couple of photos of the two of us together. Erin framed up a couple of the photos and gave it to me as a gift. I see it hanging on my wall as I'm writing this and it reminds me of so many wonderful things - how much I loved my Gracie (still do), how much she brought to my life, how The Goo managed to reach others and how kind people can be.

ctsy Anne Almasy                                                                              ctsy Terry Greene

Please share this story. We shared this journey, not because it was easy, but because it was hard and Gracie was worth every second of the fight. She chose. She chose to love me, she chose to fight and she chose when she was ready to go. Please join our fight to find a cure for canine cancer and help those going through the fight right now. Gracie was never just a dog to me, she was family...and will always be family.

*In the months to follow since losing Gracie I met a wonderful glass artist. She did the most amazing piece with Gracie's ashes blown in. We picked the colors, Gracie's colors, then she created a custom glass piece that I can carry and hold. Gracie's ashes make little white and silver bubbles and when I hold it to the light it sparkles. We've now launched a new business www.PetRemembranceGlass.com to help others and build a living legacy in Gracie's honor. The mission is to not only help people create their own custom pieces to help comfort them, but to have the business fund a non-profit to help people that can't afford to pay for cancer care for their pets get treatment. We were lucky we had a way to pay for Gracie's fight and it got us more than a year and a half that we would not have had. That time to me is priceless. I still miss my Gracie everyday, now she's my doggy angel.

Gracie puppy face

2010-03-06T12:31:00Z

Gracie's been doing great. We're enjoying life and having fun. Charlie, her big brother, is such a great companion. The two of them make me laugh when they play. I have to say it's so nice to be here with the pups enjoying another day. Lately Gracie has been sounding a little more snarfly (I know it's not a real word, but it really describes it best), congested and rattly in her nose area - like I wish I could give her a tissue and she could blow her nose. We've gone to her primary doctor at Village Vets, but everything seems fine. I may be a bit of an over worrier, but we decided to go to Gracie's oncologist at GVS for a follow up just to be sure. It's time for Gracie's recheck anyhow.
Other than that everything is great...and Charlie and Goo couldn't be better....although it would be nice if they would let me sleep past about 6:30 am sometime. Ha. I love how Gracie has such a puppy face. She's a pet rescue girl and I never saw her as a puppy, but after losing most of her hair during her cancer treatment I feel like I've really seen her come through her puppy phase again. Lucky me!

Gracie doing Great and enjoying the Olympics

2010-02-15T03:43:00Z

Gracie's doing great and looking like I imagine she did as a puppy. All her hair is coming back, but in some different shades and a lot coarser than it was before. I love seeing her feeling well and frisky. We've had a bad stretch of weather with a big dump of snow a few days ago in Atlanta, just in time for opening ceremonies at the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics. BUT---all that snow has been pretty entertaining where Gracie and her pals are concerned. They are hilarious to watch running around in the snow. Gracie, like me, is a big Olympics fan. We're cheering for two countries---Canada and USA. Today Canada won their first ever home gold medal.....Gracie couldn't help but celebrate too.

Rock Free and Happy!

2009-10-22T17:03:00Z

Rock Free....yipee! An x-ray recheck today showed no rock anywhere in Gracie's system. Amazing news. Poor thing had been eating a high fiber special food to help get rid of the last remaining rock. The vets determined that it was probably the smallest of all the rocks that she ingested so they were hoping that Gracie would be able to pass it without it getting lodged in her digestive tract. That seems to have been the case and today they declared Gracie "Rock Free" which was a huge relief. Sweet girl is definitely feeling better. Now we just need to keep her away from the rocks. Why she ate the rocks in the first place remains a mystery. I think she probably swallowed them accidentally while eating grass, but we may never know. It's not something she's ever done before. It's just good news that the rocks are gone.

Gracie and the Rocks

2009-10-20T16:17:00Z

Gracie continued to throw up in the middle of the night....in it there was something that looked unusual...A ROCK! Seriously, a rock?! So of course we had to go to emergency. I took the rock in with me, it was a good size, about the size of my thumb nail. What we had to check next was if there were anymore rocks still in her. There were 3 more. Now we had a tricky situation to deal with, how to get the remaining rocks out. After all that Gracie's already been through now this? Crap! The ER vet gave her something to throw up to see if she was able to throw up the other rocks. Surgery to remove them was something we wanted to avoid if at all possible and the rocks appeared too big for Gracie to pass through her digestive tract making it very dangerous. We tried giving her some food to help push up the rocks when she threw up, it helped. She was able to throw up 2 more rocks, but one big one wouldn't budge. We decided to monitor her for the next 48hours to see if she would eventually throw it up. That means daily trips back to the vets to get Gracie's xrays rechecked to see if the rock has moved. Poor Gracie girl.

Gracie's Sick....What's Going On?

2009-10-19T21:09:00Z

I'm not sure what's going on....Gracie's been doing good, aside from a little nasal congestion, but tonight she threw up all her food. I think maybe she just ate too fast, then drank a bunch of water and went and ate some grass to settle her stomach. Still with everything she's had to go through I hate to ever see that she's not feeling well. Charlie is so sweet and sticks close to her , he was following her around this evening even before she threw up...I guess he knew. A couple of things we learned going through her sick days after treatment were to pick up all her food and to take the water up too to keep her from getting any sicker. Hopefully she'll be feeling better by morning.
.

A Sad Goodbye to Sweet Kona

2009-10-05T16:33:00Z

A very sad day for Gracie's extended family. Kona, Gracie's Chocolate Lab cousin and my sister's sweet companion, lost her fight with cancer today. Kona was diagnosed with Lymphoma in August, but unfortunately was not one of the lucky ones to conquer the disease. She fought hard and was so brave. Kona's mom, my sister Sheri, says she got to enjoy one unexpected snow day at their home in Bend, OR. Shortly after that Kona's body gave out. Kona was the best example of how amazingly loving Labs can be, really just another member of the family, far beyond just a pet. Kona will be missed and was so loved. Gracie's brother, sweet Bugsy, will surely share his treats with her up in doggy heaven. I makes me angry that cancer seems to cause so much pain in so many lives that we need to find a cure, but that discussion can wait for another day. Today is for remembering sweet Kona and the love she shared over the years.

Monday's Suck

2009-09-28T21:18:00Z

Little Gracie is not feeling 100%. She's fussy with her eating, just eating the things she likes and leaving the rest. She's taking her two antibiotics but still sounding "snarfly" in her nose and having little shiver bouts. Charlie, as per usual, is staying close to her. Every time she moves to another space he follows to check up on her. She keeps getting herself snuggled under a blanket which is so cute. Sweet girl, hopefully these antibiotics will will have her feeling better soon.

Gracie Loves a Coffee Run!

2009-09-14T21:05:00Z

It's another good day for Gracie I'm happy to say. She was soooo happy to eat this morning, which I always love. Who knew food could be so exciting! Charlie wasn't eating fast enough so Gracie went to check out his bowl to see if he would leave her anything....no such luck. Gracie has finished her last nd of antibiotics so right now she is just taking her supplements with her food. It's hard to believe that on Thursday she is scheduled for her 6th and final round of chemo. Since there was no milk left in the fridge I had to run to the neighborhood coffee shop for my morning latte. Charlie was busy barking at a squirrel in a tree so Gracie was thrilled to come along for the ride. I think the only thing that makes her happier than eating is going for a ride. All in all a good day.

Sweet Gracie Doing Well

2009-08-28T02:55:00Z

Sweet Gracie is feeling pretty good....and her whiskers are coming in. All the hair she lost on her head left her looking a little bit funny, but now it looks like her bald muzzle (with the exception of the little dark hair that stayed on the top of her nose) is finally starting to get new growth. It's funny because the new hair coming in makes her face itchy so she likes to rub it in her bed, on the couch, on the rug, where ever. Charlie gets all playful with her when that happens so the two of them pounce around, bark and squeak their toys. Gracie's eating good and seems happy, which of course makes me happy.

A Good Monday

2009-08-24T14:33:00Z

Gracie is a happy, happy girl today. She was so excited to eat this morning she was bouncing on the floor when I carried her dish over. She even went to go check if Charlie left anything in his bowl. Charlie wasn't having it. Hilarious. She's eating well, playing with Charlie and taking her fair share of naps. We are giving her a few more days without adding all the supplements back in so as not to upset her system and keep her eating well.

Gracie's Weekend Update

2009-08-24T02:14:00Z

It was a good weekend for the pups. We went for a nice walk and Charlie and Gracie played in the yard, played in the house and enjoyed some sunning on the deck. I love to see them happy and I'm glad Gracie is feeling well after how she felt a couple of days ago. I haven't gotten all her supplements added back in to her food yet, I want to do it slowly. She's eating well and being very frisky and playful. She plays hard and then naps to recharge. It's all good with me, I'm just happy she's eating well and feeling good.

Happy Friday & Feeling Fine....AND Healing Wishes to Kona

2009-08-22T01:50:00Z

What a difference a couple of days makes. Gracie is feeling much better and was up bright and early barking for her breakfast. Right now we are giving her I/D, a very bland food customized for intestinal issues, to integrate her back to her food. We're going to give it a couple of days before adding all her supplements back in because some of them can make her stomach a little sensitive. Right now we're giving a Pepcid, her 2 antibiotics and the Cell Advance supplement. We'll work to get her food and other supplements reintroduced as we go. We also want to send healing wishes to my sister's chocolate lab Kona who was just diagnosed with Lymphoma. She's just trying to figure out what her treatment regime will be so we'll just have to wait to find out and take it from there.
Right now Charlie and Gracie are having fun playing with a squeeky toy and lounging on the deck. Gracie's been frisky rolling around in her dog bed....and even stretching out across two beds for a nap. I'm just so glad Gracie's feeling better and Charlie's so happy to have his girl back.

Feeling Better & Heading Home

2009-08-21T01:58:00Z

We got a call early this morning from Dr. Hamilton. Gracie was feeling much, much better and ready to go home. They were able to get her to eat twice and she's not throwing up anything....YIPPEE! I was so happy to go and get Gracie and so happy she was feeling better. Dr. Hamilton said she may have had something like colitis (inflammation of the colon - affecting the tissue that lines the gastrointestinal system) but that she was doing well now. He also started her on an additional antibiotic called Metronidazole which she will take 2 times a day in addition to her other antibiotic which she is finishing. Today marks one week away from her 5th, and second last, chemo treatment. Wow.
Let me say when we left it was easy to tell Gracie was feeling 100x better. We also brought a couple of cans of I/D food which is very bland to help get Gracie back into her eating regime without upsetting her system again. Charlie was sooooo excited to see his girl. He spent the day just following her around and sticking close by. Gracie did a little extra napping today, but I can't blame her. I could use a little extra napping myself right now.
heading home

Charlie staying close

A Trip to Emergency for Poor Gracie

2009-08-20T03:40:00Z

Wed 1am Heading to GVS

Late last night Gracie kept wanting to go outside, then became very unsettled and just wanted to be close by. Charlie woke me up just after midnight by nudging me with his nose, Gracie was getting sick. Poor girl threw up and her stomach felt tight and bloated. She wanted back outside so I followed her to see if she would get sick again. She just paced, had a little bit of diarrhea then ran back in the house. She went to sip some water but couldn't get settled, she wouldn't even lay down. She looked like she was getting more uncomfortable and now when she moved spots Charlie shifted his spot too. I was hoping that after she threw up it may have gotten out whatever was making her stomach upset, but it seemed not to be the case. I called GVS and they said because of all she's going through with her chemo treatment it was best to bring her in. There's a closer emergency vet clinic, but we went to GVS because I knew they would have access to all her latest WBC info and all of her prescription meds. It was a long night/morning whatever you want to call it at that time....it was probably about 4am when we headed home. Poor Gracie, we rechecked her WBC which seemed to be coming up from what it was a couple of days ago so that was good. They gave her an injection of anti-nausea medication, a pain injection to help her obvious abdominal discomfort, and an injection of subcutaneous fluids (under her skin between her shoulder blades). They weren't sure what started it all, but hoped this would help her over the next several hours. The doctor said within about 6 hours her vomiting should stop, if it didn't improve that we should follow up with the vets the next day. When we got home Gracie started to whine and shake more than she was. I called back to make sure she wasn't having a reaction to the injections, but was told that it was just the pain meds kicking in and making her out of it. I hoped she would start feeling better soon, I laid on the floor by her hoping she would eventually lay down, Charlie stayed right there with us. About 7am Gracie's vomiting started to pick up. By 11am she was still throwing up so we called and talked to Anna, Gracie went back to GVS that afternoon. By the time we went back she was having more trouble with diarrhea too. I felt soooooo bad for her, I just didn't even know what could possibly be left in her little system by this point. They decided she should spend the night on fluids as she was getting dehydrated and they would be able to watch her. They were also trying to get her nausea under control. The vet on that night called a little after 11pm to tell me her WBC was doing okay and that she was getting hydration and would be seen by her oncologist first thing in the morning. Poor sweet Gracie. Charlie was pouting around the house, he didn't want to eat dinner and just kept walking to sniff the dog bed where Gracie likes to lay. UGH!

Going back to GVS Gracie feeling lousy missing Gracie

TOBY UPDATE---Feeling the effects of chemo

2009-08-19T18:55:00Z

We're sending warm healing wishes Toby's way. Here's an update from his family for those of you asking.

The Tobster is doing OK, thanks. He’s finding the side-effects from this particular chemotherapy more difficult. He didn’t eat well for a full 2 weeks following his first Adriamycin + DTIC treatment. And he STILL won’t touch anything we fed him the day before or the day of the chemotherapy. So, finding things that he’ll happily eat has been difficult.

He got a nasty case of diarrhea about 3 days after his treatment, and as a result we put him on Flagyl for 10 days. Then, when we did his CBC (in the 7-10 day window that you talk about on your blog) his neutrophil count was 1032… low enough to warrant a 5 day course of Baytril.

Thankfully, about 2 weeks post chemo he was pretty much back to himself – we found yet another food he’ll eat. So, he’s coming to the end of a pretty good week. Dog play, short walks, and actively collecting many pets and cuddles. But, he’s scheduled for another course on Thursday. After THAT course we’ll wait 3 weeks and do another series of chest films to see if this treatment is shrinking his lung lesion. We’re very eager to see those pictures.

Overall, he seems to be a bit more sore (he has several know lesions in his legs/hips/shoulders) when he moves around. And we tend to think he’s breathing a bit heavier.

So, in summary… it’s been a pretty mixed bag. We hope this treatment will do him some good, but we’re afraid that we’re seeing a slow decline and we’re concerned about the side-effects of this therapy. But he’s still happy to get up every morning, grabs a toy, tries to get us to chase him (we walk now, we don’t run) or play “tug” with him (we don’t tug very hard anymore). As long as he seems to be enjoying life, we’re willing to do whatever we can…. And so far, he DOES seem to still enjoy being around.

Peter, Mont Vernon, NH

Tuesday is Okay

2009-08-19T00:15:00Z

Anna (Dr. Hamilton's vet tech that Gracie loves) called today and Dr. Hamilton is just fine with all of Gracie's WBC info. Her values are on the way up. She ate fine this morning, but has been very sleepy today. I'm not sure why she seems more tired. She ate dinner just fine, no left overs for Charlie which he was disappointed about, and seemed happy enough after she ate. BUT--for whatever reason she's getting rather unsettled tonight. Charlie hasn't really alerted me, so I'll just keep a watch on her. Maybe the weather is changing or something. Other than that it'll just be a low-key night for the pups.

Just Another Monday....Which is Fine

2009-08-18T02:38:00Z

Monday. Not always everyone's favorite day of the week, but for us this Monday is just fine. Gracie got up bright and early, before 6am. I think her stomach was a little upset, but she was happy nonetheless. I gave her a Pepcid about half an hour before feeding her to give it time to settle her stomach and let Gracie enjoy her breakfast. Both Gracie and Charlie were happy to eat. The supplements are all mixed in her food and for the most part she seems to tolerate them pretty well. Sometimes it's a little tricky to make sure that she is getting her pills down without spitting them out, but that's something I keep a close eye on. She and Charlie were having lots of fun running and playing after eating in the morning so whatever made Gracie a bit unsettled early this morning seems to be better. Charlie is happy to stretch out on the deck near Gracie, but the pop up showers didn't give them too much time outside today. Both were very hungry for dinner and seemed like they couldn't wait to eat, which makes me particularily happy in Gracie's scenario. After dinner the two of them tore around then charged up to the bed. It seems they are turning into quite the bed hogs! Ha!

Relaxing Sunday

2009-08-17T02:12:00Z

Gracie and Charlie were up and playing bright and early this Sunday morning. It would have been nice if they would have chosen this for a sleep in day, but it wasn't meant to be. Gracie ate pretty well, at first she wasn't going to finish it, but Charlie came to watch her after he finished his breakfast and that seemed to be all the encouragement she needed to finish off her bowl. We've got all the supplements mixed in and it seems like she's tolerating them pretty well.

It was wet outside from the night before with off and on showers expected all day. We played in the backyard for a bit and they both got soaked in the wet grass. They were happy though. The play seemed to tire out Gracie quickly. She was frisky when she first got back in the house, then quickly settled in for a nap. The two had a pretty uneventful day, which is good. Then they met a new friend Erin brought to meet them, Fred ( a boxer....who has all his shots and is healthy....something we're very careful of with Gracie). There was plenty of excitement and Gracie was happy to get Erin's attention. After Fred left Charlie and Gracie ran up and jumped into bed (Charlie stole what was left of Fred's bone) and sprawled out for the night. Both happy and sleepy.

Sleepy Saturday

2009-08-15T20:35:00Z

Saturday is turning out to be pretty okay for Gracie. She and Charlie have been enjoying a lazy day, including napping on the back deck, napping on the couch, napping in the dog beds, eating and then more sleeping. Dr. Miller from Village Vets called to say her WBC numbers were back, they were very low, but not as low as last time which I think Dr. Hamilton will be more pleased with. On a side note I'm going to see Sir Paul McCartney in concert outdoors at Piedmont Park tonight so I'm glad Gracie's doing well today and I won't have to be worried at the concert. Gracie's doing well today with her eating, including the supplements, and her temperature is within the normal range which is good. Charlie is checking her dish for leftovers, but there aren't any which is also good. Hopefully they'll just enjoy a nice relaxing evening.

Gracie napping Charlie napping too